The Ripple Effect of Kindness: How Your Actions Shape Your World (and Theirs)
Why Kindness is the Ultimate Truth, Even When It's Uncomfortable
I believe it matters how you make people feel.
Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what
you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
Do you find that to be true?
Imagine a world where every act of kindness, no matter how small, transforms lives—this is not a fantasy but a powerful truth rooted in our shared humanity and love.
People Will Hurt You Because of Their Limitations
It's always disappointing when someone you care about, or maybe someone you want to get to know better, treats you like you don't matter.
Typically, their actions are not a result of anything you did, but it is because they are experiencing a time when they have nothing to give. They are impatient, busy, and upset about something themselves. People get out of balance every day.
It doesn't excuse the behavior, but for our sanity, realizing that we are not causing it is helpful. We are just in the way.
I recently joined a learning community under the tutelage of someone who talks about the need to be kind, but her actions don't meet that standard.
I say that because I was the target of her shaming me in a way that was supposed to hold me accountable. How many times has that happened to you?
Her methods didn't work for me because they didn't meet me where I needed it most.
I wanted her to see my struggle, help me escape that place, and not push me over the cliff. And that required kindness in the moment.
I get it; sometimes, people must fake it until they make it.
But what is essential is that we strive to learn to be kind every day. It's a journey.
It can be challenging to know how best to help others. But kindness, as a default, will help us grow into better human beings.
Learning Style is Personal
Everyone learns differently. If you've ever attended a Tony Robbins seminar, you know how big his presence is. But all the chest-thumping, jumping up and down, and playing music at extreme decibels shattered me. I felt small and unsafe around him.
I'm talking about my response here, so if you found him inspiring, that would be good for you. Many millions have.
I had the same problem with this method I recently experienced with this online person. Behind what they communicated, there seemed to me a level of arrogance that made me uncomfortable.
Their message is, "I know what's right for you (and they might indeed), and you paid me to get the message through to you, so I will do that any way I can." Drill sergeant be damned.
But most introverts don't respond to this type of teaching because it doesn't feel good. And they can never feel safe enough to open themselves up to this type of coaching.
Effective Communication is a Commitment
In my opinion, effective communication uses words and creates messages in a way that allows the people who need them to receive them.
At this stage of life, I believe having an open heart is more important than having the right answer when helping someone.
Because, in the end, a good friend gives you room to explore your feelings, make mistakes, and find the answer yourself.
And that requires a safe space.
So, if you hurt someone's heart straight up, it will be very difficult for them to hear what you are trying to say. Hence the need to be kind.
It's also likely true that the stalwart among us will fight through this facade and find the answers anyway. I know I did many times.
But my point in discussing this subject today was to ask, "What if we all made more of an effort to be more kind every day?" "How much better off would our world be?"
I get it; being kind takes effort. Some people think being kind makes a person look weak.
Being kind is a universal way of saying I respect your humanity and will do my best to speak with you in a way that nurtures and loves you.
I don't need to beat you with a stick to get through to you. If you can't hear what I said today in response to your question, it's ok.
We planted a seed that will blossom later, and divine timing is always perfect.
How I was Raised
My dad was a perfect example of this philosophy. He loved sports and spent every spare moment when he wasn't working to take care of his family, volunteering to coach sports, dragging all his kids along with him.
I started in gymnastics at the age of 5 and moved on to judo, swimming, diving, baseball, and hockey as a youngster. At University, I joined the track team. After my divorce, I learned ballroom dancing, which was great for fitness, and then discovered tennis in my 50s, which I still play.
He taught me to love my life through my body's physical movement, which was primarily a good lesson.
How he taught me is questionable.
I knew my dad loved me, but his lessons were harsh. When I first took flight off a high dive and belly-flopped, he made me get right back up and do it again because he knew if I didn't, I would never approach the board again.
His philosophy was right, but as a child, I needed him to acknowledge my feelings at the time and then show me my lesson. Feelings weren't a part of my dad's world.
Another time, when I was hanging from a door jam on a bar, and it slipped, slamming me to the ground on my back and knocking the wind out of me, he stood over me and laughed.
I was confused and cursed him for it, but I told myself he was teaching me to be strong.
When I pitched a softball to a neighborhood kid who hit a line drive to my head, my angels must have been watching because I caught it and didn't even know the ball was in my glove. Of course, my dad was laughing from the umpire spot, and I couldn't help but wonder if that ball might have killed me.
So What is Courage?
In hindsight, I know he taught me to be courageous, but it was at the expense of feeling loved.
I know this inability to emote haunted him to his deathbed because I was there.
His body had withered away to 86 lbs. from arthritis, and he was bedridden for the last five years of his life. He had gone from being a guy who could walk up the stairs on his hands to dead at 56.
Near the very end, he and I were alone in his hospital room. My brothers and I stayed in an RV in the hospital parking lot, taking turns being with him. Because he would go in and out of consciousness, I would wait to see him stir and try to connect.
The last time I saw him that night, he opened his eyes and smiled, recognizing me. Then he said, "I know what it's all about now."
I replied, "What is it all about, Dad?"
He said, "Love, it's all about love."
I believe we all get important messages regarding our life lessons right at the end.
Yoga Mastery Makes a Difference
I studied with someone who is a master of yoga. I remember when our core group of yogis was learning what it meant to be a yoga teacher.
He had us do a homework exercise in which we had to write down our ideas about "What is Truth?"
Keep in mind at that time of my life, I was still healing childhood trauma. So, I wrote about how angry I was with my mother for the years of pain she caused me and our family by her mental illness. No one was happy in our home if my mother wasn't happy. And believe me when I say that rarely happened.
But the details of that healing story are not the point here.
My teacher's response to my outpouring changed the trajectory of my life. He wrote something critical on my submission and returned it to me marked with red letters.
He wrote five critical words across my page: THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS KIND.
This may not reverberate through you now, as it did me back then, but it was a life lesson, and I never forgot it.
Now, I do not communicate without first messaging through my kindness filter. I ask myself, "How would this message feel if given to me?" "How will it land on this person from what I know about them now?"
After that, I responded to people differently. I intended to be kind in thought, word, and deed as best I could. Not right, not smart, just kind.
I didn't always succeed. But I always tried. I still do.
The Humanity of It All
This way of being kind makes me think about spiritual leaders who practiced these principles for a lifetime. Gandhi and the Dali Lama come to mind.
How did they learn to do it? The answer is they practiced.
While we don't know all the intimate details of their spiritual paths, we can learn from how they lived.
GANDHI
Gandhi preached and lived by the principle of Ahimsa, which is non-violence. He believed in achieving social change through peaceful resistance and civil disobedience rather than violence.
He also stressed the importance of truthfulness in all aspects of life.
He knew that truth ultimately prevails and that lies only create problems. The truth is always kind.
Gandhi also taught India about self-reliance, which goes beyond individual self-sufficiency. He advocated for India's independence from British rule and encouraged people to rely on their resources and capabilities.
For me, that is the ultimate form of self-empowerment.
DALAI LAMA
Perhaps his best-known message concerns compassion and kindness. He believes that happiness comes from cultivating kindness toward others, even those who are difficult.
The Dalai Lama taught us that inner peace comes through mental discipline, which Hindus call controlling the waves of the mind. He also advocated for meditation to achieve this state of well-being.
He has spent his lifetime talking about the power of happiness and how to cultivate joy. (The Book of Joy with Desmond Tutu)
Some Closing Thoughts
These two men know that we are all part of one humanity. They lived their lives in alignment with that truth, spoke that truth, and loved to the best of their ability.
When we encounter teachers who want us to succeed "their way," questioning their motives might be a good idea. Remembering how you make people feel and vice versa is critical.
Of course, there were also times I had to learn to push past being uncomfortable and grow, but now I know that some teachers are not a good fit if they don't feel safe for me. I've earned that.
So, when you work with someone, ask yourself, "Does their teaching philosophy separate you from others in the name of learning to be successful?
Maybe we are better off focusing on how to be kind to others first.
This way, we allow success to take its natural course in our lives, and at least for me, this feels much more aligned with the universe.
Good luck!
Super inspiring. This message is what we need in all the noice!